I'm A Polyamorous Wedding Photographer... Wait, what?

Polyamorous wedding photographer Emma Thurgood
Photo by Allie Dearie Photography

Yes, you read that right. I am polyamorous and a wedding photographer.

Of course, this may be pretty shocking since weddings are kinda the pinnacle of monogamous bliss. Declaring that I'm polyamorous (consensually non-monogamous with more than one partner, and while I'm at it, likely bisexual) seems like it would be a betrayal to the values of marriage to a lot of people. However...

I Believe it Makes me a Better Wedding Photographer.

Love is an amazing thing; it cannot be diminished by having too much of it in your life and you can gain more of it by giving it to more people. That is part of the beauty of polyamory, and I can extend this principle to my work as a wedding photographer. Because I can express love so freely, I am able to make connections with a wide variety of people - my poly nature helps me to form bonds with my clients and I become very invested in them, their well being and their wedding day.

I love my clients, but don't freak out - I'm not in love with my clients and I'm not trying to have sex with you. 😅

If you are a monogamous client of mine who doesn't know a lot about all this, please do not freak out. I have figured out I was this way my whole life, I just never knew how to put it into words until my mid-twenties (I am 35). I was polyamorous before you booked me, and I will be poly for the rest of my life. I'm still the same weirdly funny, kinda-awkward but still BAMF photographer you booked for your wedding who is going to document your day with extra-awesomesauce. I'm just not staying silent about this part of my life anymore because it makes me feel sad not to be able to talk openly about a person who makes my life fuller and happier.

Maybe you have some questions

Some common misconceptions about polyamorous people are that we're basically cheating, that we don't value relationships because we can't commit, that we are freaky sex fiends, and we are super judgy about monogamy. None of these are true for me.

Communication and consent are the cornerstones of ethical non-monogamy, so I would be remiss not to say that my life partner is fully in this with me. The people we see together or separately are all with each others' knowledge and consent, and we both feel that these relationships add to our lives, rather than take away from our relationship. It's not ethical if it's not consensual.

Poly people tend to value relationships a TON because it's really hard work to make time for all the members of your polycule. My partner and I are only working with one other person right now to get in one romantic date a week for one or both of us and it's really hard! I applaud the people who manage a polycule of 4+ people. But because the relationships we both have with this third person are important to both of us and creates a benefit to the life we live in our home together, we find the time and it is a big commitment to pursue these relationships, both to each other and this third person.

We are also not all freaky sex fiends. Often, the reason that polyamory tends to work and function for those that can make it happen for them long term is because one partner is finding something that they can't get from another partner, whether that's physical or emotional intimacy of some kind of variety. We all have different needs in our lives, and there's no reason that finding fulfillment for them from outside your primary relationship has to diminish the love you feel for the person you may have chosen to spend your life with. My primary partner and I both find different kinds of fulfillment from the additional person we've brought into our life, and it's not all about the sex.

Lastly, there are some people who post funny memes that are judgy about monogamy. That's not me. If monogamy is your chosen lifestyle, I fully support that in the same way that I hope people won't judge me and would choose to support my decision to include more than one partner in my relationship.

I support Love in all of its forms, and I will be here to document it if you want me to.

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